She can't be yours anymore

Last night he called me, I didn't want to answer the call but, I did. -__-
Yeah I do miss his voice, we talked for a while. We had a great conversation for the first few minutes, he told me about his day, I miss that moment ; tell me every single thing about his days. It was his fault for making me cry because of him, yes I was crying when he called me last night. I just missed the old days and now it's not the same although both of us were trying hard to change for each other. I'm sorry but there will be no turning back. My decision is a fullstop, no timeout or anything because it's over. Yes, it's over, dear. Eventhough every second I think about you, everything that I do reminds me of you, the things that we did together I can't forget them just like that. But still, we are no longer together and he has to know, he has to understand. I just hope he would understand, there's no use if we stayed. Now I'm trying to try and start a new chapter, there will be no 'us', it will only be 'you' and 'me'. We could be friends, though. Don't ruin the friendship. Keep the memories in a heart-shaped box. I don't want to hurt and I don't want to be broken either, keep it away from me, keep it away from you. Just get over it,

Raya Preparations

I just bought a pair of baju kurung today and some long-sleeved shirts. I'm not in the mood to buy cool and funky clothes for raya because ibu will be flying to japan on the fourth day of raya and i will have to go back to my hostel and prepare myself for the final year exam. Yes, this year will be a dull celebration for me Im sure of that. Today I went to Plaza Masalam with my family, yes my father is back! He arrived home on thursday and I don't know when he will be going back to Cambodia. Haha I can't imagine how he's going to handle his three daughters. I'll be at school, leaving ayah with his kids. I remembered when ibu was in Malacca attending a course for a few days and ayah cooked the same meal every single day and we got bored with his Special Chicken Soup. Duhh, that's the only dish he knew I think. Lol, after breaking the fast at the food court, I decided to snap some pictures of Aisyah and Dahiyah playing. Then ibu joined us, I took their pictures oh we had a great time, ignoring the people around us. Bermacam jenis muka pon ada lah. Ngiahaaa, a few minutes later ayah came from surau and I snap his pictures, too! Seriously all of us were like a chaotic family having a great time together, yelahhh lame tak jumpa kannn. I just can't forget the moments it had been a long time since we had fun together, all of us. I love you guys, family. <33

goodnight,

i need to get some rest, im quite tired today. i followed ibu to SACC with my father and went to the maxis centre, blahhhhhhhh. then i went home, a few minutes later ibu said we're going to breakfasting outside, so i had to rush and my hair was such a mess serious teruk gila. after that, i went home and open the laptop and went online. For a couple of hours maybe, tried to design a shirt but the ideas didn't come out. Just some question marks. Im going to do that tomorrow, if I had the time to do so. Okayyyyyyyyy, i was hurt enough and need to swallow some pills. HAHA, bye.

EMPTY

she was happy with him, the first year they were together was one of the most meaningful memories, especially for her. She remembered the first time she met the guy, his guy. They were so happy together, they met at school every single day and he waited for her after school just to talk to her before he goes home. He calls her almost everyday and his voice could be the only lullaby for her before going to bed. She was so happy, so happy with him. Promises were made between her and the guy. Yes, it was the happiest moment. Happiest. Everything seemed to be okay and there was nothing to be afraid of. Until one day she felt like there was going to be a big problem between them. But it's okay, she thought. Everything's going to be just fine. Everything's going to be just okay, it's just a small mistake between us, she said. She helped him through ups and downs in his life, he did the same thing to her. We are going to be fine, just like before, do not worry too much, do not. Days passed by and suddenly it was totally different, between them. The conversation they had was not like before, she kept asking whether he was happy being with her or not. 'Yes, Im happy with you' was the answer but it didn't convinced her that much, she knows something will happen. They didn't talk much, not like before, obviously. The guy that she knew was not like that, he became different. She kept saying to herself that this thing won't be long, it'll be okay unfortunately things were getting worse. She kept blaming him for what had happened. 'You don't love me, you are bored don't you?' 'No, Im not' She didn't believe him and kept scolding him 'You are never serious with me, you are different, you are not the old you anymore!' She knew, she had hurt him but she never meant to that to him. She never meant to say such harsh words to him, she was just afraid. She was afraid she would lose him because everything was different since then. The girl stayed strong in their relationship, but it didn't make any difference at all. That was it, she made a decision which she never wanted to, but she just had to say it before he said it himself. 'I think we should break up' She never wanted to say those words, but she was too fragile she couldn't take it anymore. That was the best way, she said. There is nothing we could do to save this relationship, there's no hope anymore. Not at all. Then that was it, the guy accept it. She knew it, she knew he never cared. She made the right decision, finally. He didn't make any effort to be with her again. So, that was it. She was beautifully broken, the guy he knew which always brighten her days, the guy was the best part of her day, the guy was the one. But she was totally wrong. That was the end of their relationship. The guy will always be in her mind, the memories they had cannot be forgotten. Swallow the fact, girl. He's not yours anymore. Her heart was torned apart, 'I know I wont be in your life anymore, just don't forget what we had gone through together'

That girl is me.

I am beautifully broken and I,
dont mind if I show it,
I am beautifully broken and I,
dont mind if you know it.
Have a great life, A.S.K.

i am

I am broken and it hurts so much, it really hurts.